Thursday, 5 May 2011


My family and I are now in witness protection. I'm not going to tell you my new name or where I am, but we're far away. My internet connection is being routed through a proxy server in our old house (under police supervision - no piracy or, I dunno, ordering murders over the internet for me) because apparently in this age of social networking sites, it's better to continue with my old things than make new ones and have someone pick up on stylistic similarities. As long as I don't mention my new name and where I am. In the meantime...let's say that Daddy would be well-advised to not try and check out the house. I hope he does, so that I can come home.

I've broken up with Simon. Well, we're giving it a rest. Whether it's my having to move away, or his...incessant desire to share deeply private elements of my own trauma throughout this whole ordeal, I think it's best we have a break. I don't know whether or not I'm going back to him. I mean, I get that his blog is his place to get his emotions down (well, it's meant to be a film blog, but I guess that's gone out of the window) but there are some things I SPECIFICALLY ASKED HIM NOT TO SHARE. Namely, my fucking breakdown when that monster showed up practically in my back garden, and telling everyone who reads his blog about how I didn't care that Joey was missing as long as my ass was safer. That last one does sting more now. Either way, while I do love him, I just don't trust him anymore, and he simply doesn't respect me. Maybe I'll have a different perspective when I get back.

Anyway, I guess after all this time being stalked by some kind of serial killer, followed by whisking me halfway across the country into a new, creepily well-prepared house for me and my family, I'm expected to feel a little back in my shell. But I don't feel any less on edge than I did back in Eastbourne. I can't relax, or get it into my head that there's no way he could find us. I get staying a little highly strung, but I'm wound so damn tight...

Ugh. Anyway, I guess I'm going to go job-hunting tomorrow. I need some way to meet people while I'm here. Feeling isolated. All alone with my thoughts. It doesn't help my outlook. The world seems darker, scarier. It always feels like something could creep into the corner of my vision at any moment. I'm still scared to look out of windows. Just in case.

No comments:

Post a Comment